A story about my life over the past 30 years as I’ve tried to navigate through my fluctuations in emotions, weight, and experiences the best I could - and a bit about the place that it’s brought me to today.
It took a while for me to realize that symptoms I was having were a result of a hormone imbalance. It's embarrassing to admit it but now that I have, I feel so empowered with the ability to change what I need to in order to feel like I'm giving myself the best quality life I possibly can. I'm pretty sure I'll never reach that goal, but the fact that I can always try is enough for me.
When I read Woman Code and learned all about the way our endocrine system works, it all made so much sense to me. I learned about what causes the imbalances (mismanaged blood sugar, poor detoxification and filtration of the body, etc.) and was given tools to improve the way my system is able to provide itself with what it needs to be in harmony.
I remember reading this book for the very first time, curled up on my sofa as I approached 30, feeling lost and helpless after trying so many things to just "feel normal". Why wasn't I waking up happy? When I eat, it's pretty darn healthy - why am I not seeing the results I should be? Why do I look in the mirror and feel so bummed out at what I see? How come my body feels like I just ran a marathon when I just got out of bed? How come I feel as though I'm in a constant state of panic? When will my mind slow down? Why is my hair thinning and seeming to end up all over the shower walls? So many questions... I kept saying to myself, "you're too young to feel like this.
It wasn't that I was dissatisfied with my life, I was dissatisfied with myself. My life was and is incredibly filled with blessings. I have a husband who loves me for me, an amazingly supportive family, and wonderfully loving friends. It was me that I was so sick and tired of because the ways I was acting, thinking, and behaving were not a reflection of my true self - deep down in my heart. But for some reason, my heart wasn't lining up with the rest of me anymore. Depression, anxiety, sadness, a complete lack of motivation, weight gain that remained stubborn to get rid of, terrible mood swings, and various other less-than-desirable symptoms have controlled my life for years.
I'll never forget the first time I felt "sad for no reason". I was about 18 or 19 and had just started taking the pill. I was waiting tables at a Country Club and remember going outside, sitting on the curb, and just feeling so confused about the feeling I had inside. That hormonal sadness/funk/depression is such a different feeling that people simply don't understand unless they've been there. It's different than loss, heartache, or sadness, etc. from any form of an actual legitimate emotion or reason to feel that way. It's like this weird fog that's surrounding your mind and you can't figure out where it's coming from. I wasn't on the pill that long, maybe just a few months or so after that before I went off it it because I knew it was messing with me in a way I did not like. I've never been on any form of birth control since and have never wanted to interact with any form of synthetic hormones again. It took my body a long time to get back to a normal swing. Back then I was in college so I wasn't taking ideal care of myself. I remember losing my period for a few months, and also going through this strange time where I would just feel incredibly nauseous and sometimes even have to run out of the classroom to go get sick. This went on for like 4 or 5 months I think, at least. Of course I didn't go to the doctor - what were they going to tell me? To take a pregnancy test and give it time, stay away from acidic foods, who knows. But eventually that weird nauseous phase went away. Anyway, looking back, I realize through my 20's, I was a completely hormonal mess - crazy mood swings and all. So as I approached 30, I was like, come on, God. Show me something here. I've tried it all. Doctors, tests of all kinds, diets, routines, medicines, all different anti-depressants, self-help books, etc. etc. etc..... ugh.
So anyway... I felt like Alisa (Woman Code author) was talking directly to me. She had written this book for me. She knew exactly what I had gone through for over ten years, and made me feel such a peace and confidence that it was all going to be OK. We can fix this. You are still capable of being filled with rich quality, energy, happiness, and exuberance! I felt like she was giving me the most comforting hug that anyone had given me in such a long time. It's like I had sat down with her over coffee, poured out all of my worries, fears, symptoms, wonders, and questions to her - just to have her answer every single one of them for me - and in immense scientific detail, not to mention her impressive credentials. She knows her stuff and I couldn't have been more enlightened.
But the one thing I remember finally feeling was that my body was beautifully made and all I had to do was make a few tweaks to help it along a little. There was nothing wrong with me. I no longer felt so helplessly sad that nothing would ever change for me. Learning about the way my body worked made me feel so amazing and I just soaked up every word. I felt embarrassed to admit to myself that I hadn't paid attention to any real details of of my cycle before. Luteal phase? What was that? Like obviously I knew I ovulated somewhere during the month but I just never really let all of that sink in as such a beautifully rhythmic pattern our bodies power through every single month. It's really quite amazing and such an incredible design. So learning about not just the weeks of my cycle, what happens during each one and why, but how they are meant to happen properly and in a healthy way, has enlightened me and completely sucked me in. It's mesmerizing and empowering. We have the capability to support our bodies in ways we never knew, and it makes so much sense.
I'm excited to share more about what I've learned about the female endocrine system and what it entails, how it works, and what it needs to work well soon. It's all thanks to this Woman Code book and I couldn't be more grateful. No doctor has shown me what I've learned here.
If you're reading this and you struggle with anything you suspect to be hormone-related, read it. If you suspect it might be hormone-related, it probably is. Our endocrine system is literally the central system for the connection between our body and our mind. It, along with our brain, is what makes it all connect. Our souls fit in there too, making us who we are. But all of this keeps us what we are! Beautiful earthly goddesses, dwelling here until our time is up. And why not make that time as valuable and as quality-filled as possible?? That's what I'm all about and so excited to do.